September 16, 2003
Dear Concerned Citizen,

Recently 12 million viewers watched Erin, the star of ‘For Love Or Money 2’, pick Chad from a field of 15 men to pursue a long term relationship. She confessed to the TV audience that she was falling in love with him.

After her heart-felt admission, the cameras move to Chad. He had to choose between Erin or a million bucks. If he took the money he could never see Erin again. It’s in the contract he signed with NBC. He can’t have both.

Chad picks Erin over the money. What was he thinking? In the grip of romantic love, Chad lost his rational mind.

Why didn’t Chad send the check to an asset protection lawyer located in some off-shore exotic location like the Cayman Islands, safe from the NBC’s legal department and that troublesome noncompliance clause? He and Erin would be free to continue seeing each other and he’d have the loot safely squirreled away. It would have all been very clever. Heck, there might even be a sequel in it for NBC.

Chad would have none of it. Love has no place for such cynicism. Like any good dramatic protagonist, Chad had to act. He had to show Erin that he loves her, and how better to do it than by turning down a million bucks on prime time television just to be with her again. By its nature love is often irrational, messy and passionate, the enemy of reason. Love makes us do irrational things for those we deeply care about.

A mother sees her child drowning in dangerous current. But she can’t swim. Parental love propels her into the water.

Mother Teresa walks death-ridden Calcutta streets. She is world-famous, recognizable to a billion people. Yet, when she finds an elderly Bhangis near death in an abandoned doorway, discarded as an untouchable, he has no idea who she is. Charity moves her to gather up his belongings and take him to her hospice.

A young American soldier stands guard at a civilian food storage warehouse in Iraq. War is unquestionably hell on earth. Yet in the prime of his life he chose to enlist. Patriotism moved him to service, an act that may well cost him his life.

A young police officer follows a suspect down a dark highway. A fireman three months from retirement runs into a burning building when everyone else is running out. Why do they risk their lives for the safety of others? Love for their fellow citizen is the most complete answer.

Love has always been complex. Myth, philosophy, and theology have often described love as having various forms. C.S. Lewis, in his book The Four Loves, explores the nature of love in four forms.

Affection is often familial love. We have affection for those close to us, such as the woman who risks her life to save her drowning child. Parents have affection for their children. An old married couple will often find their relationship is now filled with affection more than the erotic love of earlier times.

Friendship brings together people of similar beliefs, view points, and experiences. We may have affection for a family member, but once we know they share our same religious or political views, or we enjoy the same sports, the dimension of friendship may be added to the relationship.

Eros is reserved for lovers. People in love are often exclusive, which is quite different from friendship, which is inclusive. Lovers want to be alone with each other. In the grasp of erotic love nothing else seems to matter. Just ask Chad.

Charity is the love God gives us. It is not natural, like affection, friendship, or eros. It comes when we appreciate God for the gift that is our lives. This appreciation gives us the charity to view the lives of others the way we view our own, as precious gifts. This means all of us, even the untouchable dying in an abandoned Calcutta doorway.

Such acts of love, regardless of which love is their source, move us. They show us that rational self interest alone leads to despair. Those who love agree with Augustine that love, not pure thought, leads to wisdom and an abundant life. It gets our attention with passion and compassion, but leads us to transcendent wonder and bliss. Logic is always an inadequate relational calculus.

Those who love recognize that there are more important things in life than tidy perfectionism. They know an act of love lifts us up from discouragement and elevates self-sacrifice to a virtue. It moves us to a nobler place and communicates to those we love that we will take action to put their well being above our own.

Acts of love put our possessions, even our lives at risk. They show others we are capable of self sacrifice and commitment, the abnegation of the self for a value that transcends egoism.

This is why Chad turned down the money for Erin. He loves her and he wants her to know it.

Ironically, in the end, it is those who love who are most enriched.